I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
