There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
