When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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