Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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