College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
