when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
