My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
