He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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