I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
