I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
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We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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