so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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