It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
