Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
