I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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