and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
