I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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