Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
