I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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