I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
