There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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