From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
