there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
