you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
