hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
