considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
