Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At least life still wants to fuck me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
