If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
