the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my being single is dangerous.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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