ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
