Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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