does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
