your room smells of hookers.
And success
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
