Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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