Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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