i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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