hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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