69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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