why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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