And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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