Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
