I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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