That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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