what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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