is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
