Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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