sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
