but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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