I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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