how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
