So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
