so explain again why im purple
no
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
