Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
