I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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