Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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