All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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