I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
