Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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