apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
