I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
