My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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