Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
