She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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