is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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