margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
