My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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