I'm sorry my penis didn't work
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
