do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
