My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
