he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
