According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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