You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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