I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
