Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
