last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize