Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
farters have to be the big spoon...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
